why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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