his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
