hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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