It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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