Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
