nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
