Sry I called you an 8
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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