I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
