he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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