I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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