Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
