Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
