Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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