I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
