We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
