Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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