so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
