Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
worst night to have a conscience
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
