I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
