I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
