btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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