my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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