This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
