I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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