When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
