can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
