If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
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Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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