Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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