I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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