I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
