Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
