Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
