It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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