idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
