bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
