"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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