There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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