It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
