i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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