I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
