you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She needs sedatives and a leash
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.