Say something about gay babies.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
