Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
