oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow