Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
