Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize