i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
