mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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