She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
