For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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