Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
