I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
