We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
