tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
