I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
