I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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