Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
