A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
