How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
