i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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