So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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