Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
