the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
