Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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