This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
