Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
