my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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