saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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