You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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