Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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