It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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