Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
