9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
