nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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