@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
